During my career, I think of times where I would leave a conversation and tell myself, I appreciate the fact they were listening, but I am not sure they really heard me. Again, I appreciated the fact the person showed intent to listen to me, however there were indications and evidence of inattentive understanding as they might look at their phone accompanied by vague responses. I too have been guilty and to this day work at being a better active listener.
From the Marshall Goldsmith Coaching Stakeholder Centered Coaching® Certification Class – Lessons Learned
You have been successful as a listener when others see you as:
- Wanting their input – listening to what all stakeholders have to say
- Paying undivided attention – Capturing what is said
- Genuinely hearing their message – with clarifying/ confirming what we heard
Marshall Goldsmith writes in What Got You There Won’t Get You There – “80% of our success in learning from other people is based on how well we listen.”
From Hardwired to The Heart – Active Listener – With a Learner Growth Mindset we attentively listen with focused energy. Our skills include asking deliberate focused questions, listening without passing judgement/ being indecisive, clarifying what we hear and then summarizing our conversation back to the team member to confirm clarity and understanding thus creating a proactive “tuned in” experience that assures the person we are interacting is confident they have been heard.
“How much do we miss when we are not TUNED IN because we are not the moment and not being present?” What is the opposite of tuned in … tuned out.
Tuned in Listening is one of the most powerful skills we can develop, both in personal and professional settings. While many of us hear what others are saying, truly listening takes conscious effort and practice. Here are some of the best listening practices to help you become more engaged, empathetic, and effective in your communication:
1. Be Fully Present
One of the most important aspects of listening is being fully present in the moment. This means putting away distractions like your phone or computer, maintaining eye contact, and giving the speaker your undivided attention. Being present shows respect and signals to the speaker that you value their thoughts.
2. Listen Without Interrupting
Avoid interrupting the speaker with your own thoughts, opinions, or solutions. Let them finish their point before you respond. By allowing the speaker to fully express themselves, you gain a clearer understanding of their message and show that you are truly invested in the conversation.
3. Practice Active Listening
Active listening means being engaged and involved in the conversation. This includes nodding, maintaining eye contact, and using verbal cues like “I see” or “I understand” to show that you are following along. Active listening also involves reflecting back on what the speaker has said to confirm that you’ve understood them correctly.
4. Avoid Judging
It’s easy to form opinions or judgments while someone is speaking, especially if their ideas differ from your own. However, the key to good listening is to withhold judgment and focus on understanding their perspective. Try to approach each conversation with an open mind, without preconceived notions or biases.
5. Ask Clarifying Questions
If you’re unsure about something the speaker has said, ask clarifying questions. This shows that you are engaged and want to fully understand their message. For example, you might ask, “Can you explain that a little more?” or “What did you mean when you said…?”
6. Practice Empathy
Listening with empathy means putting yourself in the other person’s shoes and trying to understand their feelings and emotions. When we listen empathetically, we connect on a deeper level and are better able to respond in ways that are supportive and understanding.
7. Listen to Nonverbal Cues
A significant portion of communication is nonverbal, so it’s essential to pay attention to body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions. These cues can provide valuable insight into the speaker’s emotions and unspoken thoughts, helping you understand the full context of their message.
8. Take Notes (When Appropriate)
In certain situations, such as meetings or formal discussions, taking notes can be a helpful tool for staying focused and retaining key points. Writing down key insights also shows the speaker that you’re actively engaged in what they’re saying.
9. Avoid Jumping to Solutions
Sometimes, people just need to be heard without immediately seeking solutions or advice. Resist the urge to solve the problem right away unless the speaker explicitly asks for advice. Often, people are looking for validation of their feelings and understanding rather than a quick fix.
10. Pause Before Responding
After the speaker has finished, take a moment to process what they’ve said before responding. This pause allows you to reflect on their message and formulate a thoughtful, considered response rather than reacting impulsively.
By incorporating these best practices into your daily interactions, you can become a more attentive and effective listener, building stronger relationships and fostering greater understanding in all areas of your life.